What kind of chaos do you secretly enjoy?

• People arguing in comment sections of posts you’re not even interested in

• Overbooking yourself just to feel something

• Randomly rearranging furniture at 3am

• Ignoring texts until the relationship dies naturally

• Making playlists with titles like “drowning in the produce aisle”

How many tabs do you have open right now?

• 3 or fewer. I like clean edges.

• 4–12. It’s a controlled mess.

• 13–30. They each represent a version of me that had hope.

• 31+. I stopped counting when I stopped pretending.

• One. But it’s a PDF I haven’t read in three weeks.

• Safari just crashed. I’ll never know.

What’s your fantasy coping mechanism that unfortunately doesn’t exist yet?

• Screaming into a pillow that absorbs my anxiety and releases essential oils

• Turning into a crow and flying into the fog whenever overwhelmed

• Getting a hug from someone who just gets it without speaking

• A government stipend for emotionally complex girlies

• A remote control that pauses existence but not you

How many beverages are on your desk right now and why are none of them water?

• Just water. Hydration is peace.

• Two. One’s coffee, one’s emotional support.

• Three to four. There’s a system. There’s no system.

• Five. Possibly six. Time isn’t real.

• None. I forgot drinks existed.

What does your dream day actually look like?

• Waking up rested, phone on Do Not Disturb, no expectations

• Wandering around a bookstore and only buying one thing

• Road-tripping into the void with good music and bad snacks

• Doing absolutely nothing and feeling okay about it

• Laying in bed scrolling for 9 hours but feeling inspired

What inanimate object are you spiritually aligned with right now?

• A freshly baked loaf of bread

• A cracked phone screen

• A Roomba stuck under the couch

• A scented candle that’s burned out but still warm

• A thrifted coffee mug with a chip in it

Describe the internal crisis you experience when someone texts “k.”

• Mild annoyance, then nothing. I move on.

• Spiraling, but I pretend I’m fine

• Full narrative creation with betrayal subplot

• Immediately ghosting them back out of spite

What’s a thing you romanticize to avoid real decisions?

• Moving to a cabin and disappearing

• Getting really into pottery or beekeeping

• A new wardrobe equals a new personality

• Starting over in a different city where no one knows me

• Becoming emotionally stable by buying new bedding

What’s your go-to move when the existential dread hits mid-toothbrushing?

• Stare into the mirror until I remember time is fake

• Scroll Twitter and pretend it’s helping

• Hum my childhood theme song and disassociate

• Try gratitude journaling for seven seconds

If you were visited by the ghost of a small Victorian child, what meaningful but cryptic advice would they give you?

• “Do not chase the horse that whistles.”

• “Take thy rest before the fifth crow.”

• “The spoons are not for eating.”

• “Your shadow knows the truth.”

• “You have been here before. Twice.”

How do you recover from a really bad day?

• I journal, meditate, and drink tea

• I nap aggressively

• I doomscroll for hours until I feel worse

• I make something: art, food, chaos

• I complain to the group chat and then disappear

What kind of future scares you more: one where you’re alone or one where you’re stuck?

• Alone. I need connection to stay grounded.

• Stuck. I fear repetition more than emptiness.

• Both. I cannot imagine either without unraveling.

• Neither. I already exist in the overlap.