You Text Like a Boomer
You probably think your texts are clear and efficient, which they are. Unfortunately, people also probably think you are mad at them because you will reply to a long emotional message with “Okay.” This makes you come across a little like a sociopath, even though you are just trying to be concise. You mean well, but your communication style suggests you own at least one Bluetooth headset.
You Only Take Baths
You probably tell people that it's "self-care day" every day or something like that. Showers feel rushed and disrespectful to your need to decompress, so you opt for full-body marination instead. You likely take longer to relax than most people and are fully aware of it. This is self-care...but it's also a lot.
You Snooze Your Alarm 10 Times
You probably set your alarm early with good intentions and then immediately betray yourself. Each snooze is a small promise that you will wake up soon, just not yet. You're not lazy...you're just sometimes emotionally unprepared to exist. Somehow you still function, which honestly is pretty impressive.
You Eat Unfrosted Pop-Tarts
You probably say they are “less sweet” or “not as bad for you” as if that explains anything. This choice suggests you like joy in very controlled doses. People are unsettled by this, but they also respect it. You are living proof that discipline can be beneficial but also deeply confusing.
You’re a Master of the Irish Goodbye
You probably leave the moment your social battery hits zero and never look back. You're the type of person who could disappear from their own party. People usually assume you went to the bathroom and then slowly realize you are gone forever. You value peace over politeness and honestly you might be right.
You Keep Your Clean Laundry in a Pile on the Bed
You probably tell yourself you will fold it later and then you slowly wear the whole pile day-by-day instead. Hey, the clothes are clean, visible, and within reach, which is good enough. You're probably the most chaotic person you know, but you also mean well. And hey, you don't need a comforter when you can sleep under all those clothes.
You Never Ask Follow-Up Questions
You probably hear something like “Yeah, they broke up” and fully accept that as the complete story. When someone asks for details later, you have absolutely nothing to offer. You are not being mysterious, you just did not think to ask. Somehow you move through life missing all the drama and it has never once bothered you.
You Can’t Tell Your Left From Your Right
1% of adults need to hold up their hands to tell their left from their right, and you're probably one of them. Directions feel abstract to you in a way that cannot be fixed. This has liked caused mild chaos your entire life, but you have adapted beautifully. You laugh it off because you have no other option. Right?
You Put the Toilet Paper on Backwards
You probably don't notice and definitely do not care. The toilet paper gets on the roll, and that's all that matters to you. This causes all sorts of distress to other people that you simply cannot understand. Sometimes the finer details pass you by, and that's okay. More peace for you anyway.
You Use Google Maps Every Time You Drive
You probably know the route but want confirmation because trusting yourself feels like a bad idea. Even familiar drives feel better with a little voice telling you what to do. This isn't anxiety, it is preparedness. Well, maybe a little anxiety too, You like knowing exactly what is coming, even when nothing is new.
You Leave Socks Everywhere
You probably remove your socks without thinking and never see them again. They end up in places like the couch or the hallway and that feels normal to you. You're not necessarily a messy person, you just lack sock object permanence. You are focused on bigger things and the socks are collateral damage.
You Call People Without Warning
You probably think calling is faster and more efficient than texting. Unfortunately, everyone you know experiences an immediate spike of panic when your name pops up. You forget that phone calls feel aggressive now. Your intentions are good, but your timing is deeply unhinged.