You’re given a whole afternoon to do whatever you want. Where do you go?

• A bookstore or library with zero plans and lots of snacks

• An amusement park or trampoline gym, followed by ice cream

• Somewhere quiet with nature, music, and nobody talking to me

• To a weird event I found online five minutes ago

• My bed. With streaming, snacks, and full control of the thermostat

If your brain had a pop-up ad, what would it say?

• Reminder: You’re going to die eventually. Have a snack.

• Buy more slime.

• You left the oven on. (You didn’t.)

• Let’s change careers and cities and hairstyles. Right now.

• You’re doing amazing. No one suspects a thing.

What does “fun” mean to you right now?

• Chaos and sugar and maybe a glitter explosion

• A game night where everyone stays till 3 a.m.

• A nice chair, good lighting, and no talking

• Going somewhere I’ve never been, with no real plan

• Canceling plans without consequences

When you’re spiraling, what helps you come back?

• A snack and a nap

• Crying about it dramatically until it passes

• Distracting myself with a weird hobby or fact

• Writing it out in a Notes app manifesto

• Pretending nothing is wrong while dissociating over dishes

You’re given 20 minutes of screen time. What are you doing with it?

• Watching a comfort show I’ve seen a hundred times

• Scrolling social media while pretending I’m being productive

• Looking up reviews for a product I have no intention of buying

• Playing a mobile game that makes me irrationally competitive

• Opening 8 tabs and doing absolutely nothing with any of them

If you were a scent in a Target candle aisle, what would your name be?

• Grape Meltdown

• Existential Cinnamon

• Midnight Payday

• Hopeful Trash Fire

• Lavender Isolation

What do you genuinely think about going to bed early?

• Unnatural. Sleep is for the weak

• Ideal in theory, impossible in practice

• Literally my favorite part of the day

• I only go to bed early when I’m sad or sick

• I try to sleep early but end up watching videos about frogs

You suddenly have to mentor someone 10 years younger than you. How do you show up?

• Channel a wise old cryptid and scare them into success

• Give chaotic advice based on vibes and trauma

• Say “I have no idea what I’m doing either” and become friends

• Turn it into a lesson plan with worksheets

• Panic, ghost them, then send a long apology later

When do you most often say “I’m too old for this”?

• Group chats that never stop pinging

• Any time someone mentions “TikTok drama”

• After 30 minutes at a loud event

• When people ask me to care about my future

• Every time I try to eat fast food after 9 p.m.

Which activity feels like it unlocks your final form?

• Dancing alone to a song that activates your fight-or-flight

• Giving an impassioned rant about a niche topic to a friend

• Rearranging your entire living space at 2 a.m. with no warning

• Suddenly becoming the designated therapist during a crisis

• Hosting something elaborate and being way too good at it

What’s your attitude about birthdays?

• I love them. Any excuse to celebrate me is valid

• I dread them a little. They feel like a countdown

• I don’t make a big deal, but I secretly want people to remember

• I celebrate low-key with one or two people who get it

• I make it a whole week and drag my friends along for the chaos

Which emotion do you pretend to be better at handling than you actually are?

• Anger. I tell myself I’m chill but I’m seething over something from 2014

• Rejection. I laugh it off and spiral privately

• Joy. I get overwhelmed and overthink whether I deserve it

• Guilt. I bottle it up until it mutates into a full-blown identity crisis

• Disappointment. I act unfazed and then never trust again